none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
