ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
