I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize