did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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