So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
