I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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