I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
