I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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