youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
