my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
