Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I did not marry a roomba.
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