i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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