good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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