I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
