how can u be prego again
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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