HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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