First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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