He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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