She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
