Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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