It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
