Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He did a backflip because drugs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize