i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
