East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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