At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
