I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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