Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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