it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
