I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
