you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
