he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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