He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
