my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
