I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
