When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
