so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
