Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
