so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
