I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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