I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
