I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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