But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
