I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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