The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
