Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
