textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
