There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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