I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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