come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
