my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
