I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
