Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
