Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't turn off my feet"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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