Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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