you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
