Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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