so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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