gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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