Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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