im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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