Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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