I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
