you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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