That's when you crack a 10am beer
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize