imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
