John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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