It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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