The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize