Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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