Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish I only lived at night.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
