i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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