Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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