If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
