Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
