ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
